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So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.


The Profile


Zanzibar
Age. 39
Gender. Female
Ethnicity. that of my father and his father before him
Location Altadena, CA
School. Other
» More info.
The World









The Link To Zanzibar's Past
This is my page in the beloved art community that my sister got me into:

Samarinda

Extra points for people who know what Samarinda is.
The Phases of the Moon Module
CURRENT MOON
Croc Hunter/Combat Wombat
My hero(s)
Only My Favorite Baseball Player EVER


Aw, Larry Walker, how I loved thee.
The Schedule
M: Science and Exploration
T: Cook a nice dinner
W: PARKOUR!
Th: Parties, movies, dinners
F: Picnics, the Louvre
S: Read books, go for walks, PARKOUR
Su: Philosophy, Religion
The Reading List
This list starts Summer 2006
A Crocodile on the Sandbank
Looking Backwards
Wild Swans
Exodus
1984
Tales of the Alhambra (in progress)
Dark Lord of Derkholm
Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?
The Lost Years of Merlin
Harry Potter a l'ecole des sorciers (in progress)
Atlas Shrugged (in progress)
Uglies
Pretties
Specials
A Long Way Gone (story of a boy soldier in Sierra Leone- met the author! w00t!)
The Eye of the World: Book One of the Wheel of Time
From Magma to Tephra (in progress)
Lady Chatterley's Lover
Harry Potter 7
The No. 1 Lady's Detective Agency
Introduction to Planetary Volcanism
A Child Called "It"
Pompeii
Is Multi-Culturalism Bad for Women?
Americans in Southeast Asia: Roots of Commitment (in progress)
What's So Great About Christianity?
Aeolian Geomorphology
Aeolian Dust and Dust Deposits
The City of Ember
The People of Sparks
Cube Route
When I was in Cuba, I was a German Shepard
Bound
The Golden Compass
Clan of the Cave Bear
The 9/11 Commission Report (2nd time through, graphic novel format this time, ip)
The Incredible Shrinking Man
Twilight
Eclipse
New Moon
Breaking Dawn
Armageddon's Children
The Elves of Cintra
The Gypsy Morph
Animorphs #23: The Pretender
Animorphs #25: The Extreme
Animorphs #26: The Attack
Crucial Conversations
A Journey to the Center of the Earth
A Great and Terrible Beauty
The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian
Dandelion Wine
To Sir, With Love
London Calling
Watership Down
The Invisible
Alice in Wonderland
Through the Looking Glass
20,000 Leagues Under the Sea
The Host
The Hunger Games
Catching Fire
Shadows and Strongholds
The Jungle Book
Beatrice and Virgil
Infidel
Neuromancer
The Help
Flip
Zion Andrews
The Unit
Princess
Quantum Brain
The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks
No One Ever Told Us We Were Defeated
Delirium
Memento Nora
Robopocalypse
The Name of the Wind
The Terror
Sister
Tao Te Ching
What Paul Meant
Lao Tzu and Taoism
Libyan Sands
Sand and Sandstones
Lost Christianites: The Battles for Scripture and the Faiths We Never Knew
The Science of God
Calculating God
Great Contemporaries, by Winston Churchill
City of Bones
Around the World in 80 Days, by Jules Verne
Divergent
Stranger in a Strange Land
The Old Man and the Sea
Flowers for Algernon
Au Bonheur des Ogres
The Martian
The Road to Serfdom
De La Terre � la Lune (ip)
In the Light of What We Know
Devil in the White City
2312
The First Fifteen Lives of Harry August
Red Mars
How to Be a Good Wife
A Mote in God's Eye
A Gentleman in Russia
The Fatal Conceit: The Errors of Socialism
Seneca: Letters from a Stoic
The Juanes Module


Juanes just needed his own mod. Who can disagree.
Heart of Darkness
Thursday. 11.5.09 4:08 am
"Well, you can leave me in charge of the camp at South Fork while you all go to North Fork," I said to J as we sat in the science office. It was 9:30 pm local Antarctic time, and the sun was blazing through the window.

"After a while I'd have a little fence made out of human skulls, all ready for when you got back."

"Oh, I would have thought that you were using our skulls to make the fence."

"All in good time, J, all in good time."

I was being silly, but he turned suddenly serious.

"You know, you seem all sunny usually, but there is something deep in you that isn't. It kind of scares me."

I didn't know how to take this comment, and I wasn't sure if he picked up on my reference, but I decided that it was an opportunity.

"Do you ever feel like some people have a darkness inside them? Darkness that isn't inside of other people?"

He looked at me askance.

"I don't mean 'evil'... not that kind of darkness... and I don't mean 'depth', because there are a lot of deep people with interesting thoughts who I wouldn't say have darkness within them."

Now he seems to know what I mean. He has a certain amount of darkness inside him, too. We start naming people who we think have darkness and the people who don't. We agree very strongly on certain people, like the Welshman [darkness!], though we can't answer exactly why. There are people with anger, yes, people with melancholy, people with melodrama, people with depression, people with fear of ghosts... we aren't talking about any of those people, we both agree. We aren't talking about the kind of darkness that swallowed Kurtz as much as we are talking about the kind of darkness that swallowed Marlow.

It's this kind of cosmic melancholy, this kind of deep stirring. It has something to do with ghosts, maybe, something to do with the Universe. Something to do with mortality, something to do with immortality. It isn't a good thing, necessarily, and people who don't have it aren't missing out on anything.... It's just a thing, this thing that's always there and mostly manifests itself by causing the afflicted to sit for hours just staring not at the world, but through it, seeing nothing. However sunny a person, occasionally you would hear his voice tremble or see a fleeting look in his eye and you would know that there remains deep within this person an area in deep and permanent shadow. Sometimes this person feels like it could reach out of his soul and consume him.

For all this, having lived with the darkness, he would no sooner give it up than he would his own life.

I don't have to explain this to J. He knows what I mean.
10 Comments.


Hahaha... I'm really tired and don't have time to read. I'll read it later, but I just wanted to comment because Helena HATES Joseph Conrad.
» elessar257 on 2009-11-06 03:21:07

actually what do u mean by inner darkness?
» renaye on 2009-11-06 10:59:57

HEY!!!
an entry!!! yay!!!!!!
I miss your musings....
but, elessar is right. I do not like JOseph Conrad - we've had bad experiences together.

But! I totally get what you're saying. More than I probably should.

*hums while gathering care package items*
» Helena on 2009-11-07 10:12:26

I always love your writings, but, I never feel like I know what to say. However, I feel like I identify with this entry very much...

And because lately I've been so busy with work that I can only come to nutang occasionally -- you are in Antarctica?! That's sounds like a really great opportunity ^_^
» bluetopaz on 2009-11-08 09:44:17

proud of u in antarctica
most of us will never get to go. i dont read your blog often enough to know how you got the chance (sorry about that =P im rarely here.)

in regards to this darkness within...*sits and stares through life* there isn't much i can say that is better than what you already have.
» Silver-dot- on 2009-11-25 12:31:45

DO I HAVE THE DARKNESS?!?

And NY is cold.. but it would make our union of holy matrimony more of a realism,'ya dig? I'd be making the move for US, Zanzi. Dilabar is what I'm talking about..

9 PM and the sun is still shining.. sounds horrible.


» Dilated on 2010-01-13 09:52:33

Waaaaaaaa
» middaymoon on 2010-01-13 10:58:00

That's what I get
for introducing some of my friends to nuTang. Thankfully I rarely, if ever, get into serious fights with my good friends, so they'd always be welcome to read it.

I thought 500 Days of Summer was fantastic. I'm working on getting the soundtrack to see if it stands alone well.

I don't care about basketball enough to do that. -shrug- But you're right, people tend to play harder to make up for mistakes, and he stifles that.

Welcome back! How was your trip?
» middaymoon on 2010-01-17 01:04:33

HECK YEAH I DID!!!
Get your postcard from the frickin' ARTIC!!

I was all 'look, i have really cool friends' to everyone who would listen. lol...

And i'm SO SORRY that I didn't get to send you something while you were down there. I was having financial difficulties which was LAME.

But, I've been thinking of you ALOT and I still want to send you some stuff! Seriously, I've been scouting things to buy you for months. So, I need your new address.

Yes.
» Helena on 2010-01-17 08:41:24

Takes a bad turn.
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» Morton (95.30.220.17) on 2011-07-10 04:30:20

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