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So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.


The Profile


Zanzibar
Age. 39
Gender. Female
Ethnicity. that of my father and his father before him
Location Altadena, CA
School. Other
» More info.
The World









The Link To Zanzibar's Past
This is my page in the beloved art community that my sister got me into:

Samarinda

Extra points for people who know what Samarinda is.
The Phases of the Moon Module
CURRENT MOON
Croc Hunter/Combat Wombat
My hero(s)
Only My Favorite Baseball Player EVER


Aw, Larry Walker, how I loved thee.
The Schedule
M: Science and Exploration
T: Cook a nice dinner
W: PARKOUR!
Th: Parties, movies, dinners
F: Picnics, the Louvre
S: Read books, go for walks, PARKOUR
Su: Philosophy, Religion
The Reading List
This list starts Summer 2006
A Crocodile on the Sandbank
Looking Backwards
Wild Swans
Exodus
1984
Tales of the Alhambra (in progress)
Dark Lord of Derkholm
Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?
The Lost Years of Merlin
Harry Potter a l'ecole des sorciers (in progress)
Atlas Shrugged (in progress)
Uglies
Pretties
Specials
A Long Way Gone (story of a boy soldier in Sierra Leone- met the author! w00t!)
The Eye of the World: Book One of the Wheel of Time
From Magma to Tephra (in progress)
Lady Chatterley's Lover
Harry Potter 7
The No. 1 Lady's Detective Agency
Introduction to Planetary Volcanism
A Child Called "It"
Pompeii
Is Multi-Culturalism Bad for Women?
Americans in Southeast Asia: Roots of Commitment (in progress)
What's So Great About Christianity?
Aeolian Geomorphology
Aeolian Dust and Dust Deposits
The City of Ember
The People of Sparks
Cube Route
When I was in Cuba, I was a German Shepard
Bound
The Golden Compass
Clan of the Cave Bear
The 9/11 Commission Report (2nd time through, graphic novel format this time, ip)
The Incredible Shrinking Man
Twilight
Eclipse
New Moon
Breaking Dawn
Armageddon's Children
The Elves of Cintra
The Gypsy Morph
Animorphs #23: The Pretender
Animorphs #25: The Extreme
Animorphs #26: The Attack
Crucial Conversations
A Journey to the Center of the Earth
A Great and Terrible Beauty
The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian
Dandelion Wine
To Sir, With Love
London Calling
Watership Down
The Invisible
Alice in Wonderland
Through the Looking Glass
20,000 Leagues Under the Sea
The Host
The Hunger Games
Catching Fire
Shadows and Strongholds
The Jungle Book
Beatrice and Virgil
Infidel
Neuromancer
The Help
Flip
Zion Andrews
The Unit
Princess
Quantum Brain
The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks
No One Ever Told Us We Were Defeated
Delirium
Memento Nora
Robopocalypse
The Name of the Wind
The Terror
Sister
Tao Te Ching
What Paul Meant
Lao Tzu and Taoism
Libyan Sands
Sand and Sandstones
Lost Christianites: The Battles for Scripture and the Faiths We Never Knew
The Science of God
Calculating God
Great Contemporaries, by Winston Churchill
City of Bones
Around the World in 80 Days, by Jules Verne
Divergent
Stranger in a Strange Land
The Old Man and the Sea
Flowers for Algernon
Au Bonheur des Ogres
The Martian
The Road to Serfdom
De La Terre � la Lune (ip)
In the Light of What We Know
Devil in the White City
2312
The First Fifteen Lives of Harry August
Red Mars
How to Be a Good Wife
A Mote in God's Eye
A Gentleman in Russia
The Fatal Conceit: The Errors of Socialism
Seneca: Letters from a Stoic
The Juanes Module


Juanes just needed his own mod. Who can disagree.
Another Angry Rant by Zanzibar
Tuesday. 9.2.08 1:01 am
Due to recent events, I have a few choice words for people who cheat on their spouses and significant others:
Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot.

For the sake of the English language, I will henceforth refer to only "spouses" and use the English neuter "he" with the implicit awareness that it could be a significant other or spouse of either gender.

Let me make this clear:

You cheating on your spouse is your fault. It is always wrong. It isn't your spouse's fault for ignoring you or not "fulfilling your needs" or even being a jackass to you. Your spouse could be doing all of these things and none of them justifies cheating on him.

In fact, the activities and character of your spouse are completely independent variables that do not affect in the least the internal "Will I cheat?" equation.

Cheating or not cheating comes completely from within, completely from whether or not you have the fundamental integrity and self-respect not to engage in activities which are morally wrong.

If you think to yourself, "I can't cheat on him, because it would make him sad/angry" or perhaps, "I can't cheat on him, because it would hurt him too much," then you have the wrong state of mind. The internal dialogue should be, "I can't cheat on him, because I am not that kind of person." "I would never cheat on him, because I value my honor too greatly to dirty it by such a petty and morally reprehensible act." Otherwise, you will continue cheating on your partners, waiting for "The One" who will be so great that it will never even enter your mind to want someone else. There is no one that great. No one will ever be able to fill that space, especially since you will have been spending a great many months and years training your eye to see people outside your relationship instead of focusing on what you have.

So your spouse is a jackass. Perhaps he's even cheated on you! SO DUMP HIM ALREADY. If you can't keep your insane libido in check for as long as it takes to dump him, you have other more serious issues with self control.

This isn't targeted at anyone in particular, mind you, I have been planning to write it for the past several weeks after meeting some particularly disgusting examples of the human race for whom such activity is apparently commonplace. But if you see yourself in it, by all means be offended by it. Alternatively, you could grow a pair and do what is right.

In the manner of MoDS,

That is all.
9 Comments.


Once a cheater, always a cheater, huh?
» randomjunk on 2008-09-02 01:36:06

Not even Doctor Phil could have said it better (in a positive look at Doctor Phil).

Cheating doesn't justify cheating in return. It doesn't.. even the score, so to speak. It drags the offended party down to the level of the offending one. As for the rest, well put Zanzi.
» yourcupoftea on 2008-09-02 01:55:57

Amen!
» elessar257 on 2008-09-02 10:04:27

Go Zanzi! Some people really have to stop blaming others for the things they do and be responsible about it.
» Nuttz on 2008-09-02 10:52:17

Does this extend to the academic world? Because I thoroughly enjoyed thermodynamics but I felt like I was cheating on molecular biology the entire time I took that class. Does that make me a slore?
» ranor on 2008-09-02 03:44:22

Since this isn't targeted at anyone in particular, i'm not going to focus my response on anything specifically in my response

The way that I look at it, some people know that its wrong, and that doesn't stop them, and they will just go ahead and be wrong. Some people don't have typical meanings on what they consider a relationship, there are relationships that are open, where people sleep with other people, but its still considered a relationship. So I mean, it all depends on what you want to consider actually cheating

I mean those type of realtionships can be considered wrong from the beginning, but then again, some people have different views on what's wrong or don't care about certain things that may or may not be wrong

There are times where people just are in a horrible relationship with a jackass, and they don't really care for that person anymore, and the only thing that could be keeping them in a relationship is something like having a kid with the person, or not having anywhere to move out to if they were to get an divorce, or other issues that could make things really complicated if you really don't have any options on where to live or stay if you were to break the relationship off, causing to stay with the person until you do have better options to work with

OR there could be more serious issues behind things, such as crazy parents or relatives on one side or another of the relationship.. that may be even abusive to you, and make you scared to want to get out of an relationship, I mean it can be a number of things involved, and you never know what exactly someone is going through, until you've experienced things in their shoes

I mean it could be to the point in which, you could give a fuck less if you hurt the person, and you don't care about the morality behind all of it. I mean it may not ever be a perfect person, but if you could find someone that can treat you with more respect than the person that you're with, who treats you like a piece of shit.. then you could probable be more attracted to that person who respects you for being you, instead of the jackass who just yells and whine about everything that you do. Looking for that perfect person can be very misleading, but its good to find someone who is there for you, and respects you as a person more. And if its a situation in which they really can't get out of the relationship easily, cheating with that person could just be a easy alternative, and if the person is really nice and easy to fall for, it could happen, espically if people don't really have some of the same moral bounds that other s might have..

So yea, I can rant on forever and ever about how i feel, and I don't think i wanna contuine right now leaving you an essay of things like this (makes me feels like i'm in my passion, desire and human action philosophy class from last fall, haha),

but basically, if its always the cheater's fault, then sometimes that cheater doesn't care that its their fault. Chances could be ( and not in cases) that if someone cheats, they don't really care for the person they are with, but who knows what could be their reason for wanting out of the realtionship....

And people have different definitions on moral and how moral certain things are, and to some, cheating on a jackass spouse doesn't quite cross that line of being inmoral enough for someone to care. They may have respect for theirselves, but the perception of that can change as well
» CPKviperpheonix on 2008-09-02 04:53:34

In response to CPK, I'd have to ask
if it's an issue of relative morality, then I guess we have a problem. However, since it's universally known as cheating, and cheating is never an honorable/moral thing to do, I don't think it IS an issue of relative morals. The law is pretty well known and universal.

Maybe the people who "don't know that" or think it "doesn't matter" are just exceptionally good at lying to themselves.
» middaymoon on 2008-09-02 10:09:24

responding to Middaymoon
Well, as it relates to your first paragraph, I was just referencing times where there are open relationships and things, and in such relationships, sleeping with someone else wouldn't be cheating, since it was understood to be that way. I mean there are less traditional types of relationships where that would be ok, and I was just mentioning that part in my comment, after all, there are couple that are swingers and things in the world as well...

I was saying though that some people may have different slightly different sets of morals than others, and what they worry about as far as immorality goes may be different...
to some, sleeping around on a jackassed Spouse, while immoral, may not really bother someone as much, or really at all if it was thought of that they "had it coming" for treating them like shit. I mean in a traditional relationship the way that most of us know it, that is very immoral, but if the person is being treated like crap, then they may not care. I mean depending on the situation, it may bother different people different amounts, to very significantly, to not at all, depending on how much their morals center around not cheating, if they love or don't love the person, how much they are willing to do in a situation where they aren't loved, etc. So people who say they may not care about morals or things in some cases, may have cared at first, but may have been pushed to the the point where they don't care about them as it realtes to certain aspects. Its more like them being pushed to the edge, and tossing morals out the window and really not caring as much, or at all, rather than them lying to theirselves about it. Espically if it involves them doing it with someone who really genuinely cares and wants to be with them, and actually shows it.

Of course all people are different, some may have more vengeance in their heart than others, and want to emotionally hurt others back for any emotional neglect they may expirence at the hands of their significant other, others may try to work it out, some may have a threshold of how much working it out they can take before they burst, and stop trying to work it out, some just simply wanna feel a sense of being emotionally loved again, b/c they haven't been in such a long time, and their pleas for it with their significant other may fall on deaf ears...
» CPKviperpheonix on 2008-09-02 10:50:12

"...if it was thought of that they "had it coming" for treating them like shit."
There. RIGHT THERE. You just admitted it was wrong. You see, even if you try to defend its fairness or validity, you have to admit that on the most basic level, it is wrong.

This isn't about whether the person had the right to do it or not. Cheating is bad. She made a commitment with a man to spend the rest of his life with him, so on and so forth. And she is trashing that. It's not about what he's done to her or if he's held up his part of the marriage. It's not a contract, "You do this and this, and I'll be loyal." It's "I WILL LOVE YOU UNTIL YOU DIE." Whatever he's done is a completely different matter. It's not so hard to understand, if only people cared to understand it.
» middaymoon on 2008-09-03 09:10:17

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